From Expectations to Acceptance

June 24, 2025

So I realized just now that I was expecting the world, others, to approve of me. Approve my thoughts, feelings, conclusions, interpretation, emotions and perspectives. “Tell me that it’s okay for me to think, feel, conclude, interpret and perceive this way.” But the world does not have the capacity to do that. Nothing others could say or do could ever approve me enough to make me happy all the time. I had an expectation for something from the world and others that could not be provided.

The world itself is constantly changing, it is always becoming something else. All these changes evoke emotional responses from me, constantly creating rises of different emotions and internal chaos. The external changes* never change the fact that I keep having to deal with the internal chaos it causes.

*(I purposely say ‘external changes’ rather than ‘external conflict’, because whether an external occurrence is a conflict or not, is a subjective conclusion.)

The external changes elicit internal emotional responses, so automatically and naturally I assume the solution is to control, change, and settle the external changes. I believe that in doing so, the internal emotional conflicts I experience will be reduced. But there are numerous external changes that evoke internal conflicts. It seems to be endless and hopeless. No matter what happens, nothing external seems to ease the internal conflicts that I experience. Even if something goes in the direction I agree with or want, there is emotional conflict to keep it that way and not lose it.

Upon reflection, I notice that nothing ever relieves me of internal conflict. So is internal conflict inevitable? Can I never experience peace, calmness, relaxation, or happiness? But, what if instead of trying to control external changes to ease my internal conflicts, I stop allowing external changes from creating internal conflicts?

I experience internal conflict perhaps from a need to control. A need to know. A need to feel safe because I identify my current emotional internal state as an unstable one. So since I notice that the external changes are the ones that create internal conflicts, I conclude that external changes must be where my focus should be to create internal resolution, to ease internal conflicts.

But what if I’m wrong? What if this is not the correct approach to resolving internal conflicts? Is there any way that the world could be to make everyone happy? The idea of a utopian society, one that would please everyone, is utterly absurd since everyone’s idea of happiness varies.

Even for us individually, happiness varies from situation, time, place, experience and desire. But we assume that there is a situation, a social accomplishment, that would be best for everyone. As I look at the world, the popular notions and prevalent perspectives, I realize that it doesn’t do anything to provide relief for the internal conflicts that arise. It eventually falls short. The world is not concerned with the internal, only with the external.

There is a common approach among many Eastern philosophies and texts: turning inwards and focusing on internal growth and development. This is the direction from which true peace, contentment, relaxation, and happiness come.

One way to prevent external changes from creating internal conflicts is by developing an inner space that is strong, steady and present. One that is not swayed by external changes. By working on developing this inner space, we are able to find the peace and happiness we are searching for regardless of what the external situations are.

Another way I can look at this is that these various, varying external changes provide unique opportunities for me to learn how to not be affected by them. Nothing is going to change the fact that external ‘things/situations’ are going to exist. If not this direction, then another direction. If not my way, then another way. If this doesn’t bother me, then something else will. The external world will never not be changing. It doesn’t have the capability to make “everyone” happy. But each individual could work on building their inner world and self to be happy. To be able to be in their own presence, enjoy it, and find peace with it. Even if every single person in the world attained this, the external changes would continue to occur. We just wouldn’t be affected by it. Nothing is going to change the reality that the world is always changing, but we can change our perspective so that our inner peace is not influenced or bothered by external changes.